We have 2 mortgages. We have a house and a condo. We live in our 700 square foot, 1 bedroom, 1 bath, w/ a sun room (our soon to be 2 children's room) condo. We are bursting at the seams not to mention JK is working on building an elevator so come July I can get 2 children under the age of 16 months into our condo by myself ; ) Moving from our condo is dependent upon us selling our house. Not to mention we can't afford two mortgage payments. We've found ourselves this week in a place where God is drastically helping me understand the gospel more fully.
This week our renter told us they were leaving. UGHH. Our realtor told us that we need $20,000 to sell our house. Super UGHHH. We don't have anywhere close to $20,000 in savings. Nor do we have the credit to get a loan for $20,000 and if we did, we don't have the monthly payment to make payments on a loan for $20,000. So what do we need, we need a bank to lend us $20 grand, no interest, no payments for a few years. HA HA HA HA. We need GRACE. In other words we need a financial SAVIOR. We are in a situation that we in our own power or by our own means cannot redeem.
Now before you start to judge, I caution you that you do not know the whole story, I beg you, do not miss the point. Are we not all in a situation that by our own power or by our own means we cannot redeem.
The book of Romans tells us that we all know god from his creation, yet we have traded worship of the creator for created things (1:18-25). It also warns us that all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God (3:23). It also declares that no one is righteous not even one (3:10). If you don't know Christ you should feel more hopeless, desperate, scared and overwhelmed than I do in our financial situation. You see without Christ you are condemned to hell (6:23). You are stuck- in a much more eternal way than I feel stuck.
In fact for the first time in my life I more fully understand how trapped in sin I was before Christ. It’s eternally more than the financial bondage I feel now. I cry in the shower. It's just what I do. It’s the only place you can cry without having to explain to someone what’s wrong! As I was weeping this morning because of feelings of financial desperation, God changed my heart and I began weeping in thanksgiving for Christ redeeming me of my sin. I finally understand a little bit more fully my desperation in my sinful nature and how thankful I should be for Christ. Today I am more thankful for Christ.
I don't know if a bank exists in the universe that will lend us $20,000 no interest, no immediate payments, no strings attached. But I do know a God of the universe who will redeem me from God's wrath and has made away for me to live and die free from the bondage of sin (Romans 3:24). And I don’t have to do anything. It is free!
The Way, is Jesus Christ. Not working hard, not having a revelation with God, not doing 7 steps, nothing by my own power can save me. Christ can and he can save you too.
So what should you do? Repent- turn from your sin and believe in Christ for your salvation (Acts 2:38). You are hopeless, desperate, and cannot help yourself, you need him. I beg you repent.
As for us, the gospel has saved us and the gospel helps us daily live holy lives. The gospel helps me trust God and focus on his glory rather than financial gloom. The gospel allows me to praise God in the midst of trial. It allows me to be confident that God is for me and he will provide for me. God is sanctifying me because of our trials and I pray that in the midst of our trial God will receive honor and Glory. In God's grace he holds me together. In God's grace he holds my marriage together. In God's grace he holds my family together. Praise to him for that!
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Thursday, February 3, 2011
It's Been Awhile...
Mostly because my 11 month old is a horrible napper & now that mommy's preggo when we do get a good nap in mommy is normally taking one too!
But I needed to clear my brain, so Baby Einstein is babysitting for a moment. It's been a rough couple of days- lots of tears. Mostly because I am hormonal and overly tired, but also because JK and I have chosen to not worry about a few specific areas of concern (that we have NO control over) in our lives right now. Instead we have chosen to trust our sovereign God who has a perfect plan for our life and family. But I am not perfect and these past few days I've worried more than trusted. I've found many tears falling at the foot of the cross as I beg for more grace to trust. I've also found myself feeling pretty lonely and God has begun challenging that in my life.
There were 3 things I was worried about being a stay at home mom. (BTW its been almost a year now...crazy!) 1. Purposefulness; 2.Lack of Intellectual Stimulation; 3. Boredom.
1. Purposefulness: After being in ministry for sometime I thought how useless I would feel staying at home cleaning my house, cooking, doing laudry, changing diapers, and giving baths. There's not much "making disciples" in that is there? Instead God has given me a great sense of purposefullness in ministering to my family. He has challenged me to do each task intentionally to either serve my husband or teach my daughter. Somtimes I miss the "discipleship" aspect of my childfree life, but there is much joy found at discipling your daughter, even if it means saying a 3 second prayer while she screams for lunch! Trying to teach her to be thankful for her food and how to pray. Also, JK and I are starting a couples' small group in a few weeks and are overly excited about being able to minister together to other couples.
2. Lack of Intellecutal Stimulation: I felt really dumb for several months. Changing diapers, laundry, and cooking don't take much brain power. But JK and I both committed to reading more this new year. I got three books going at once (Grace Based Parenting, Feminine Appeal, & Faithful Women and their Extraordinary God). JK and I also are taking a NT Class at Brook Hills together. It kinda feels like our dream of going to seminary together. Those outlets are really helping.
3. Boredom: This is where I struggle and this is where God is challenging me. In fact, boredom is not the word. Lonliness is the word. How much talking does an 11 month do? A lot but not much that I understand. I can spend all day in this house with just my daughter and by the end of the morning feel pretty lonely. God has challenged me in two areas A. I need to be okay with stillness; B. I am created for community and I must reach out.
A. I need to be okay with stillness: I like to be busy, so I don't have time to think. I need to be okay with thinking some. I need to be better at being still and listening to God. I need to use the stillness to commune with him and teach my daughter the same.
B. I need to reach out. God created me to do life with other people and I don't think it is
healthy for me to hang out with just my 11 month old from 6a-6p five days a week while my husband works. Reaching out is way out of my comfort zone. I don't want people to think "I need them." I don't want to find myself in uncomfortable, vulnerable, and out of my comfort zone situations and sometimes reaching out requires this.
So my goal is to set some tangible things I can do next week to 1. Be okay with stillness & make it intentional and 2. Reach Out. God has been faithful over the last year to transform me in many areas and I am confident he is not done transforming me.
Feels good to be back and have a clear brain as we go "fight" nap time!
But I needed to clear my brain, so Baby Einstein is babysitting for a moment. It's been a rough couple of days- lots of tears. Mostly because I am hormonal and overly tired, but also because JK and I have chosen to not worry about a few specific areas of concern (that we have NO control over) in our lives right now. Instead we have chosen to trust our sovereign God who has a perfect plan for our life and family. But I am not perfect and these past few days I've worried more than trusted. I've found many tears falling at the foot of the cross as I beg for more grace to trust. I've also found myself feeling pretty lonely and God has begun challenging that in my life.
There were 3 things I was worried about being a stay at home mom. (BTW its been almost a year now...crazy!) 1. Purposefulness; 2.Lack of Intellectual Stimulation; 3. Boredom.
1. Purposefulness: After being in ministry for sometime I thought how useless I would feel staying at home cleaning my house, cooking, doing laudry, changing diapers, and giving baths. There's not much "making disciples" in that is there? Instead God has given me a great sense of purposefullness in ministering to my family. He has challenged me to do each task intentionally to either serve my husband or teach my daughter. Somtimes I miss the "discipleship" aspect of my childfree life, but there is much joy found at discipling your daughter, even if it means saying a 3 second prayer while she screams for lunch! Trying to teach her to be thankful for her food and how to pray. Also, JK and I are starting a couples' small group in a few weeks and are overly excited about being able to minister together to other couples.
2. Lack of Intellecutal Stimulation: I felt really dumb for several months. Changing diapers, laundry, and cooking don't take much brain power. But JK and I both committed to reading more this new year. I got three books going at once (Grace Based Parenting, Feminine Appeal, & Faithful Women and their Extraordinary God). JK and I also are taking a NT Class at Brook Hills together. It kinda feels like our dream of going to seminary together. Those outlets are really helping.
3. Boredom: This is where I struggle and this is where God is challenging me. In fact, boredom is not the word. Lonliness is the word. How much talking does an 11 month do? A lot but not much that I understand. I can spend all day in this house with just my daughter and by the end of the morning feel pretty lonely. God has challenged me in two areas A. I need to be okay with stillness; B. I am created for community and I must reach out.
A. I need to be okay with stillness: I like to be busy, so I don't have time to think. I need to be okay with thinking some. I need to be better at being still and listening to God. I need to use the stillness to commune with him and teach my daughter the same.
B. I need to reach out. God created me to do life with other people and I don't think it is
healthy for me to hang out with just my 11 month old from 6a-6p five days a week while my husband works. Reaching out is way out of my comfort zone. I don't want people to think "I need them." I don't want to find myself in uncomfortable, vulnerable, and out of my comfort zone situations and sometimes reaching out requires this.
So my goal is to set some tangible things I can do next week to 1. Be okay with stillness & make it intentional and 2. Reach Out. God has been faithful over the last year to transform me in many areas and I am confident he is not done transforming me.
Feels good to be back and have a clear brain as we go "fight" nap time!
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