We have 2 mortgages. We have a house and a condo. We live in our 700 square foot, 1 bedroom, 1 bath, w/ a sun room (our soon to be 2 children's room) condo. We are bursting at the seams not to mention JK is working on building an elevator so come July I can get 2 children under the age of 16 months into our condo by myself ; ) Moving from our condo is dependent upon us selling our house. Not to mention we can't afford two mortgage payments. We've found ourselves this week in a place where God is drastically helping me understand the gospel more fully.
This week our renter told us they were leaving. UGHH. Our realtor told us that we need $20,000 to sell our house. Super UGHHH. We don't have anywhere close to $20,000 in savings. Nor do we have the credit to get a loan for $20,000 and if we did, we don't have the monthly payment to make payments on a loan for $20,000. So what do we need, we need a bank to lend us $20 grand, no interest, no payments for a few years. HA HA HA HA. We need GRACE. In other words we need a financial SAVIOR. We are in a situation that we in our own power or by our own means cannot redeem.
Now before you start to judge, I caution you that you do not know the whole story, I beg you, do not miss the point. Are we not all in a situation that by our own power or by our own means we cannot redeem.
The book of Romans tells us that we all know god from his creation, yet we have traded worship of the creator for created things (1:18-25). It also warns us that all have sinned and fallen short of the glory of God (3:23). It also declares that no one is righteous not even one (3:10). If you don't know Christ you should feel more hopeless, desperate, scared and overwhelmed than I do in our financial situation. You see without Christ you are condemned to hell (6:23). You are stuck- in a much more eternal way than I feel stuck.
In fact for the first time in my life I more fully understand how trapped in sin I was before Christ. It’s eternally more than the financial bondage I feel now. I cry in the shower. It's just what I do. It’s the only place you can cry without having to explain to someone what’s wrong! As I was weeping this morning because of feelings of financial desperation, God changed my heart and I began weeping in thanksgiving for Christ redeeming me of my sin. I finally understand a little bit more fully my desperation in my sinful nature and how thankful I should be for Christ. Today I am more thankful for Christ.
I don't know if a bank exists in the universe that will lend us $20,000 no interest, no immediate payments, no strings attached. But I do know a God of the universe who will redeem me from God's wrath and has made away for me to live and die free from the bondage of sin (Romans 3:24). And I don’t have to do anything. It is free!
The Way, is Jesus Christ. Not working hard, not having a revelation with God, not doing 7 steps, nothing by my own power can save me. Christ can and he can save you too.
So what should you do? Repent- turn from your sin and believe in Christ for your salvation (Acts 2:38). You are hopeless, desperate, and cannot help yourself, you need him. I beg you repent.
As for us, the gospel has saved us and the gospel helps us daily live holy lives. The gospel helps me trust God and focus on his glory rather than financial gloom. The gospel allows me to praise God in the midst of trial. It allows me to be confident that God is for me and he will provide for me. God is sanctifying me because of our trials and I pray that in the midst of our trial God will receive honor and Glory. In God's grace he holds me together. In God's grace he holds my marriage together. In God's grace he holds my family together. Praise to him for that!
Sunday, April 3, 2011
Thursday, February 3, 2011
It's Been Awhile...
Mostly because my 11 month old is a horrible napper & now that mommy's preggo when we do get a good nap in mommy is normally taking one too!
But I needed to clear my brain, so Baby Einstein is babysitting for a moment. It's been a rough couple of days- lots of tears. Mostly because I am hormonal and overly tired, but also because JK and I have chosen to not worry about a few specific areas of concern (that we have NO control over) in our lives right now. Instead we have chosen to trust our sovereign God who has a perfect plan for our life and family. But I am not perfect and these past few days I've worried more than trusted. I've found many tears falling at the foot of the cross as I beg for more grace to trust. I've also found myself feeling pretty lonely and God has begun challenging that in my life.
There were 3 things I was worried about being a stay at home mom. (BTW its been almost a year now...crazy!) 1. Purposefulness; 2.Lack of Intellectual Stimulation; 3. Boredom.
1. Purposefulness: After being in ministry for sometime I thought how useless I would feel staying at home cleaning my house, cooking, doing laudry, changing diapers, and giving baths. There's not much "making disciples" in that is there? Instead God has given me a great sense of purposefullness in ministering to my family. He has challenged me to do each task intentionally to either serve my husband or teach my daughter. Somtimes I miss the "discipleship" aspect of my childfree life, but there is much joy found at discipling your daughter, even if it means saying a 3 second prayer while she screams for lunch! Trying to teach her to be thankful for her food and how to pray. Also, JK and I are starting a couples' small group in a few weeks and are overly excited about being able to minister together to other couples.
2. Lack of Intellecutal Stimulation: I felt really dumb for several months. Changing diapers, laundry, and cooking don't take much brain power. But JK and I both committed to reading more this new year. I got three books going at once (Grace Based Parenting, Feminine Appeal, & Faithful Women and their Extraordinary God). JK and I also are taking a NT Class at Brook Hills together. It kinda feels like our dream of going to seminary together. Those outlets are really helping.
3. Boredom: This is where I struggle and this is where God is challenging me. In fact, boredom is not the word. Lonliness is the word. How much talking does an 11 month do? A lot but not much that I understand. I can spend all day in this house with just my daughter and by the end of the morning feel pretty lonely. God has challenged me in two areas A. I need to be okay with stillness; B. I am created for community and I must reach out.
A. I need to be okay with stillness: I like to be busy, so I don't have time to think. I need to be okay with thinking some. I need to be better at being still and listening to God. I need to use the stillness to commune with him and teach my daughter the same.
B. I need to reach out. God created me to do life with other people and I don't think it is
healthy for me to hang out with just my 11 month old from 6a-6p five days a week while my husband works. Reaching out is way out of my comfort zone. I don't want people to think "I need them." I don't want to find myself in uncomfortable, vulnerable, and out of my comfort zone situations and sometimes reaching out requires this.
So my goal is to set some tangible things I can do next week to 1. Be okay with stillness & make it intentional and 2. Reach Out. God has been faithful over the last year to transform me in many areas and I am confident he is not done transforming me.
Feels good to be back and have a clear brain as we go "fight" nap time!
But I needed to clear my brain, so Baby Einstein is babysitting for a moment. It's been a rough couple of days- lots of tears. Mostly because I am hormonal and overly tired, but also because JK and I have chosen to not worry about a few specific areas of concern (that we have NO control over) in our lives right now. Instead we have chosen to trust our sovereign God who has a perfect plan for our life and family. But I am not perfect and these past few days I've worried more than trusted. I've found many tears falling at the foot of the cross as I beg for more grace to trust. I've also found myself feeling pretty lonely and God has begun challenging that in my life.
There were 3 things I was worried about being a stay at home mom. (BTW its been almost a year now...crazy!) 1. Purposefulness; 2.Lack of Intellectual Stimulation; 3. Boredom.
1. Purposefulness: After being in ministry for sometime I thought how useless I would feel staying at home cleaning my house, cooking, doing laudry, changing diapers, and giving baths. There's not much "making disciples" in that is there? Instead God has given me a great sense of purposefullness in ministering to my family. He has challenged me to do each task intentionally to either serve my husband or teach my daughter. Somtimes I miss the "discipleship" aspect of my childfree life, but there is much joy found at discipling your daughter, even if it means saying a 3 second prayer while she screams for lunch! Trying to teach her to be thankful for her food and how to pray. Also, JK and I are starting a couples' small group in a few weeks and are overly excited about being able to minister together to other couples.
2. Lack of Intellecutal Stimulation: I felt really dumb for several months. Changing diapers, laundry, and cooking don't take much brain power. But JK and I both committed to reading more this new year. I got three books going at once (Grace Based Parenting, Feminine Appeal, & Faithful Women and their Extraordinary God). JK and I also are taking a NT Class at Brook Hills together. It kinda feels like our dream of going to seminary together. Those outlets are really helping.
3. Boredom: This is where I struggle and this is where God is challenging me. In fact, boredom is not the word. Lonliness is the word. How much talking does an 11 month do? A lot but not much that I understand. I can spend all day in this house with just my daughter and by the end of the morning feel pretty lonely. God has challenged me in two areas A. I need to be okay with stillness; B. I am created for community and I must reach out.
A. I need to be okay with stillness: I like to be busy, so I don't have time to think. I need to be okay with thinking some. I need to be better at being still and listening to God. I need to use the stillness to commune with him and teach my daughter the same.
B. I need to reach out. God created me to do life with other people and I don't think it is
healthy for me to hang out with just my 11 month old from 6a-6p five days a week while my husband works. Reaching out is way out of my comfort zone. I don't want people to think "I need them." I don't want to find myself in uncomfortable, vulnerable, and out of my comfort zone situations and sometimes reaching out requires this.
So my goal is to set some tangible things I can do next week to 1. Be okay with stillness & make it intentional and 2. Reach Out. God has been faithful over the last year to transform me in many areas and I am confident he is not done transforming me.
Feels good to be back and have a clear brain as we go "fight" nap time!
Monday, November 8, 2010
Favorite Christmas Tradition: CHRISTMAS CARDS (free from Shutterfly!)
Can you believe it’s November 8th? Neither can I! The Holiday Season got kicked off this past weekend for me, when some girl’s from college and I saw the musical White Christmas in Atlanta. It got me pretty pumped about the Holiday Season. I think my rule for not listening to Christmas music until after Thanksgiving may get debunked this year! One of my favorite things about the Holiday Season is hearing from family and friends when we receive Christmas Cards. This year is even more exciting now that we have an adorable bundle of joy to showcase on her first Christmas card!
Our first choice for any type of media that showcases our pictures is Shutterfly. I have used Shutterfly to share pictures of our family with extended family and friends. I have used Shutterfly to create Caby Grace’s baby book using one of their photo books. Many Christmas presents being given this year are coming from Shutterfly. So it should only be expected that Shutterfly will be doing our Christmas Cards and let me tell you they have quite the selection. They have flat cards, folded cards, 4x8 cards, 5x7 cards and many other options. You can find religious designs, contemporary designs, and classic designs. Our tradition is that we keep all our Christmas Cards in a scrap book. For this reason we always have flat cards. I have scrapbook full of 26 years of Christmas Cards. This is the one I think we will most likely use for our family this year….
I like that it is simple, yet elegant. I like that it is Christmas colors yet they are soft, not gaudy red and green. Of course my favorite aspect is that the photo is showcased front and center.
You should take some time and search the 100’s of Shutterfly options for your family Christmas card at http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery/christmas-cards. They also have Christmas Gift Tags that you can find at http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery/christmas-gift-tags. In addition a wall calendar with pictures of your family would be a great Christmas Gift! Start designing yours now at http://www.shutterfly.com/calendars/wall-calendars. You can even get 50 cards free. Find out how here: http://bit.ly/sfly2010
We look forward to hearing from your family this Holiday Season!
Our first choice for any type of media that showcases our pictures is Shutterfly. I have used Shutterfly to share pictures of our family with extended family and friends. I have used Shutterfly to create Caby Grace’s baby book using one of their photo books. Many Christmas presents being given this year are coming from Shutterfly. So it should only be expected that Shutterfly will be doing our Christmas Cards and let me tell you they have quite the selection. They have flat cards, folded cards, 4x8 cards, 5x7 cards and many other options. You can find religious designs, contemporary designs, and classic designs. Our tradition is that we keep all our Christmas Cards in a scrap book. For this reason we always have flat cards. I have scrapbook full of 26 years of Christmas Cards. This is the one I think we will most likely use for our family this year….
I like that it is simple, yet elegant. I like that it is Christmas colors yet they are soft, not gaudy red and green. Of course my favorite aspect is that the photo is showcased front and center.
You should take some time and search the 100’s of Shutterfly options for your family Christmas card at http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery/christmas-cards. They also have Christmas Gift Tags that you can find at http://www.shutterfly.com/cards-stationery/christmas-gift-tags. In addition a wall calendar with pictures of your family would be a great Christmas Gift! Start designing yours now at http://www.shutterfly.com/calendars/wall-calendars. You can even get 50 cards free. Find out how here: http://bit.ly/sfly2010
We look forward to hearing from your family this Holiday Season!
Friday, August 13, 2010
Reflections from Royse City
I have been meaning to write down this post (which has been floating around in my head) for the past few weeks. At the end of each season I like to remember what I learned and how I was transformed as I transition into a new season. So here are the 5 Reflections from Royse City.
5. 280 Traffic you will cause me to sin no more. I love Dallas. I wish we would have lived in Dallas. I wish we would have spent more time in Dallas. BUT Dallas traffic is hell. If I ever live in a big city again it will be one with descent public transportation. 280 you own me no more.
4. REAL Mexican food is DELISH! Glorias and Joe T's you will be missed. Thank you Chuy's for following me home!
3. The Simple Life is more. It took 15 minutes to get to a descent restaurant or movie, 40 to a descent mall. We went to 2 movies and the mall maybe 4 times. We barely ate out. Only Mexican. I wasn't up to date on the latest fashion, didn't flit money away on food, and my social life was a bare minimum. My life was much fuller. I pray I don't get sucked back into the more is more life, here in Birmingham.
2. My relationship with the Lord is more personal and intimate. Community is good, but sometimes community gets enmeshed. Before you realize it you aren't sure you are doing the things you do because you want to or because everyone else is doing them. In RC I learned I am doing what I do because I love the Lord. We had to self feed. My only accountability was my husband. And I had to rely on God for more things in my life than ever before. The result: me more in love with him.
1. My marriage grew more than I can describe. In fact I think all newly married couples should be dumped out in the "country" away from community and family and restruants and movies and malls. I can't really even articulate the changes in our marriage, but I can tell you I value my husband, his leadership in our family, and spending time with him more than I ever did before. I am much more in love with him today than I was when I drove to TX with him. My prayer is that God guards the intimacy he has given to us and we learn to guard the intimacy he has given to us in the midst of all things that lure and entice here in Birmingham.
5. 280 Traffic you will cause me to sin no more. I love Dallas. I wish we would have lived in Dallas. I wish we would have spent more time in Dallas. BUT Dallas traffic is hell. If I ever live in a big city again it will be one with descent public transportation. 280 you own me no more.
4. REAL Mexican food is DELISH! Glorias and Joe T's you will be missed. Thank you Chuy's for following me home!
3. The Simple Life is more. It took 15 minutes to get to a descent restaurant or movie, 40 to a descent mall. We went to 2 movies and the mall maybe 4 times. We barely ate out. Only Mexican. I wasn't up to date on the latest fashion, didn't flit money away on food, and my social life was a bare minimum. My life was much fuller. I pray I don't get sucked back into the more is more life, here in Birmingham.
2. My relationship with the Lord is more personal and intimate. Community is good, but sometimes community gets enmeshed. Before you realize it you aren't sure you are doing the things you do because you want to or because everyone else is doing them. In RC I learned I am doing what I do because I love the Lord. We had to self feed. My only accountability was my husband. And I had to rely on God for more things in my life than ever before. The result: me more in love with him.
1. My marriage grew more than I can describe. In fact I think all newly married couples should be dumped out in the "country" away from community and family and restruants and movies and malls. I can't really even articulate the changes in our marriage, but I can tell you I value my husband, his leadership in our family, and spending time with him more than I ever did before. I am much more in love with him today than I was when I drove to TX with him. My prayer is that God guards the intimacy he has given to us and we learn to guard the intimacy he has given to us in the midst of all things that lure and entice here in Birmingham.
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
Rewards in Heaven
I got a 4.0 this semester. One of the things I like most about school is that you work really hard all semester and at the end you get an evaluation. If you do good you get a good grade and praise. If you do bad, you should have worked harder. There are parts of the semester that aren't fun, (i.e. tests) but if you work hard, you do well, you make the grade, you get praised. The studying for the test pays off. There are parts of the process you like (i.e. papers- yes I like to write papers!) you enjoy them while you are doing them and then get the added bonus of an evaluation and praise if you do good.
Work is similar. You work hard, meet a deadline, get recongnition. Exercise is also similar. Set a a goal complete the goal you feel accomplishment. So far being a stay at home mom doesn't really do that for me.
There are parts I hate: cleaning the house (especially keeping it in "show" condition), laundry, ironing, cooking, grocery shopping, changing diapers, calming down a fussy baby, dishes etc. but to make matters worse there is no evaluation. No opportunity to earn the grade per say. It's not like after you spend the day doing loads and loads of laundry, folding, ironing, and putting away clothes you can get online and an "A" pops up for folding laundry. I know my family appreciates these medial tasks I do and my husband thanks me and encourages me all the time, but its not the same as receiving an evaluation and feeling proud of the work you have done.
There are things I LOVE about being a stay at home mom: snuggling with my daughter while she eats while making the cutest baby noises in the world, giving her a bath and watching her splash and play and her smell when she is fresh and clean, laying on the floor with her while she plays on her play gym and watching her laugh and squeal at the dumb little bird that hangs above her, carrying on a conversation with her (yes- I talk and she baby babbles back), the smile I get when I go get her in the middle of the night to feed her, the crazy dance parties we have with her stuffed animals in her room, playing dress up, how when she is playing in her bouncy seat every once in awhile she looks for me to make sure I am still there and the smile on her face when she sees I haven't left her, the joy of seeing her learn something new, praying over her and telling her all about Jesus and the gospel even when she has no clue what I am saying.
These things I love about being a mom but even these don't really give me a sense of accomplishment. There isn't an evaluation for how well you lay on the floor and make your baby laugh or for how much dancing you do during a stuffed animal dance party.
Many times at the end of the day I reflect on my day and think what have I done today. That's when the feeling of being lazy and unproductive creeps in. I often find myself feeling defeated thinking I haven't done anything of importance or value. I don't feel any sense of pay off for the hard work of the day. Now, I know all the things listed above are really important in the life of my family (& at times they are exhausting & much harder than working outside the home) but they don't produce the sense of accomplishment that a 4.0, a task completed at the office, or an extra mile on the end of a run do.
Not sure what this says about me. Maybe it reveals my sinful need for the approval and praise of man over God. Maybe it just confirms my identity is still rooted in what I do versus whose I am. Or maybe it is just a lesson in obedience. Obedience doesn't always produce rewards here on earth. Obedience produces rewards in heaven.
Work is similar. You work hard, meet a deadline, get recongnition. Exercise is also similar. Set a a goal complete the goal you feel accomplishment. So far being a stay at home mom doesn't really do that for me.
There are parts I hate: cleaning the house (especially keeping it in "show" condition), laundry, ironing, cooking, grocery shopping, changing diapers, calming down a fussy baby, dishes etc. but to make matters worse there is no evaluation. No opportunity to earn the grade per say. It's not like after you spend the day doing loads and loads of laundry, folding, ironing, and putting away clothes you can get online and an "A" pops up for folding laundry. I know my family appreciates these medial tasks I do and my husband thanks me and encourages me all the time, but its not the same as receiving an evaluation and feeling proud of the work you have done.
There are things I LOVE about being a stay at home mom: snuggling with my daughter while she eats while making the cutest baby noises in the world, giving her a bath and watching her splash and play and her smell when she is fresh and clean, laying on the floor with her while she plays on her play gym and watching her laugh and squeal at the dumb little bird that hangs above her, carrying on a conversation with her (yes- I talk and she baby babbles back), the smile I get when I go get her in the middle of the night to feed her, the crazy dance parties we have with her stuffed animals in her room, playing dress up, how when she is playing in her bouncy seat every once in awhile she looks for me to make sure I am still there and the smile on her face when she sees I haven't left her, the joy of seeing her learn something new, praying over her and telling her all about Jesus and the gospel even when she has no clue what I am saying.
These things I love about being a mom but even these don't really give me a sense of accomplishment. There isn't an evaluation for how well you lay on the floor and make your baby laugh or for how much dancing you do during a stuffed animal dance party.
Many times at the end of the day I reflect on my day and think what have I done today. That's when the feeling of being lazy and unproductive creeps in. I often find myself feeling defeated thinking I haven't done anything of importance or value. I don't feel any sense of pay off for the hard work of the day. Now, I know all the things listed above are really important in the life of my family (& at times they are exhausting & much harder than working outside the home) but they don't produce the sense of accomplishment that a 4.0, a task completed at the office, or an extra mile on the end of a run do.
Not sure what this says about me. Maybe it reveals my sinful need for the approval and praise of man over God. Maybe it just confirms my identity is still rooted in what I do versus whose I am. Or maybe it is just a lesson in obedience. Obedience doesn't always produce rewards here on earth. Obedience produces rewards in heaven.
Tuesday, May 18, 2010
Repentance
I find myself asking my husband for forgiveness a lot lately. Not sure what is up, but I am just cranky and irritable a lot more than usual. Luckily I have a husband who truly lives out the gospel and loves me patiently even when I do not deserve it.
I have tried for sometime to blame my mood on lack of sleep. Our 12 week old is definitely doing better in the area of sleep but just can't seem to get over the hump to sleep all night every night. She goes to bed at 8:30 and wakes up at 3:30 or 4, eats, and then wakes up around 7 or 8. It really isn't bad but I find those middle of the night feedings catch up with me eventually (or so I blame my irritability on them.) I have tried to use them as my excuse but was convicted several days ago they aren't.
You see I have been desperate for sleep when in fact I should be desperate for the spirit. While reading Radical, I stumbled upon this. Matthew 7 Jesus is teaching on prayer and says "How much more will your father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him." In a similar occurrence in Luke 11 Jesus says "How much more will your father give the holy spirit to those who ask him!" See when we ask for "good gifts" like comfort, guidance, discernment or in my case sleep and God give us so much more. He give us the comforter, the helper, the spirit of wisdom, or in my case the source of my strength.
God takes time from sustaining the entire world and comes to me in the form of the spirit and the spirit is my comfort, my patience, my wisdom, my strength. I have him, not just the characteristic I need to not chew my husband's head off. So again I find myself running to my knees in repentance begging the spirit for his fruits to be made real in my life and then humbly approaching my husband to apologize and ask for forgiveness for being mean and irritable.
Thank you God for your grace and thank you JK for living out the gospel in our marriage.
I have tried for sometime to blame my mood on lack of sleep. Our 12 week old is definitely doing better in the area of sleep but just can't seem to get over the hump to sleep all night every night. She goes to bed at 8:30 and wakes up at 3:30 or 4, eats, and then wakes up around 7 or 8. It really isn't bad but I find those middle of the night feedings catch up with me eventually (or so I blame my irritability on them.) I have tried to use them as my excuse but was convicted several days ago they aren't.
You see I have been desperate for sleep when in fact I should be desperate for the spirit. While reading Radical, I stumbled upon this. Matthew 7 Jesus is teaching on prayer and says "How much more will your father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him." In a similar occurrence in Luke 11 Jesus says "How much more will your father give the holy spirit to those who ask him!" See when we ask for "good gifts" like comfort, guidance, discernment or in my case sleep and God give us so much more. He give us the comforter, the helper, the spirit of wisdom, or in my case the source of my strength.
God takes time from sustaining the entire world and comes to me in the form of the spirit and the spirit is my comfort, my patience, my wisdom, my strength. I have him, not just the characteristic I need to not chew my husband's head off. So again I find myself running to my knees in repentance begging the spirit for his fruits to be made real in my life and then humbly approaching my husband to apologize and ask for forgiveness for being mean and irritable.
Thank you God for your grace and thank you JK for living out the gospel in our marriage.
Saturday, May 1, 2010
It's not Radical. It's just Biblical.
"I’d rather have Jesus than silver or gold; I’d rather be His than have riches untold; I’d rather have Jesus than houses or lands, I’d rather be led by His nail pierced hand. Than to be a king of a vast domain Or be held in sin’s dread sway, I’d rather have Jesus than anything This world affords today. I’d rather have Jesus than men’s applause; I’d rather be faithful to His dear cause; I’d rather have Jesus than world-wide fame, I’d rather be true to His holy name.He’s fairer than lilies of rarest bloom; He’s sweeter than honey from out of the comb; He’s all that my hungering spirit needs,I’d rather have Jesus and let Him lead."
The closer I get in my relationship to God the more I hate the sin in my life. More specifically the more I hate the materialism in my life. As I sit here and reread those lyrics, I think yes "I would rather have Jesus than this or that" but then I notice the designer jeans I am currently wearing (that I am embarrassed to say how much I paid for) and I wonder if I would I really "rather have Jesus?" Let's pretend for a minute that there aren't billions of people in the world living in poverty and that God doesn't command me to care for them. Still, today my jeans and what they represent (the American dream) would be an issue in my life. It's not the fact that I bought the jeans or own the jeans that is the problem. The problem is in the role they play in my life.
It's not just the jeans. I find myself saying daily "If I just had a bigger house, a newer car, a Mac Book, an IPhone, a new wardrobe then I would be satisfied, content, joyful, and have the approval of man." The problem is I save. I buy one of the things off the list and .5 seconds later I add another "If I just had." For sometime God has been saying to me "Maybe if you would just get rid of all the crap then there would be room in your life for me to be enough. Me to satisfy you. Me to give you joy. Me to make you content." I seem to just ignore him.
I am lucky enough that God has given me a husband who loving leads me away from the temptation of "stuff" because I really don't want my children to be exposed to a mom who loves "stuff." My husband is an excellent loving leader. We have for some time been trying to decide where we would live when we moved back to Birmingham. My parents are in the process of buying our condo so my initial thought was "That's our out. We can buy a house!" You probably are thinking that's great. That condo is too small for two adults, a 4 month old, and an 80 lbs dog. Yeah, I have said that exact same thing (without a gentle and quiet spirit) more times than I should have. The fact is when I take off my American Dream Blinders it is a perfect place for our family to live during this stage of life. Yes, one day our family will expand and then we will need to consider buying a bigger house, but for now the good old condo will be just perfect.
The previous paragraph makes it sound much easier than it is. I have pretty much dug in my heals, wined, and complained about it since the decision has been made. But man I am being obedient right!?! I am doing this whole "radical" thing even if I am kicking and screaming. (BTW I think we should call it Biblical. It just seems Radical because of the lack of people living Biblically in the world. Myself included.***)
Then I began thinking about disciplining my children (not that you discipline a 10 week old but just hang with me.) When I tell my children what to do, I don't want them to do it just because I told them to. I don't want them to just obey and then complain and wine about it as they go about being "obedient." The purpose of discipline is not behavior modification it is heart change. I bet God feels the same way about disciplining me.
I've heard it said that delayed obedience = disobedience. I agree. As I have been wining and complaining about cleaning out closets and moving to a 800 square foot condo, I have been convicted of this: wining, complaining, bitter obedience is in fact not obedience at all. It is disobedience. The solution I don't have. I just know I am begging God to change my heart. Begging him to give me joy in the process of "getting rid of all the crap, so there is room for Him." It's not Radical. It's just Biblical.
***Disclaimer I totally love @plattdavid's Radical. You shoud buy it, read it, and obey it because it's Biblical. You should listen to the sermons too- they are Biblical too.
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