Repentance

I find myself asking my husband for forgiveness a lot lately. Not sure what is up, but I am just cranky and irritable a lot more than usual. Luckily I have a husband who truly lives out the gospel and loves me patiently even when I do not deserve it.

I have tried for sometime to blame my mood on lack of sleep. Our 12 week old is definitely doing better in the area of sleep but just can't seem to get over the hump to sleep all night every night. She goes to bed at 8:30 and wakes up at 3:30 or 4, eats, and then wakes up around 7 or 8. It really isn't bad but I find those middle of the night feedings catch up with me eventually (or so I blame my irritability on them.) I have tried to use them as my excuse but was convicted several days ago they aren't.

You see I have been desperate for sleep when in fact I should be desperate for the spirit. While reading Radical, I stumbled upon this. Matthew 7 Jesus is teaching on prayer and says "How much more will your father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him." In a similar occurrence in Luke 11 Jesus says "How much more will your father give the holy spirit to those who ask him!" See when we ask for "good gifts" like comfort, guidance, discernment or in my case sleep and God give us so much more. He give us the comforter, the helper, the spirit of wisdom, or in my case the source of my strength.

God takes time from sustaining the entire world and comes to me in the form of the spirit and the spirit is my comfort, my patience, my wisdom, my strength. I have him, not just the characteristic I need to not chew my husband's head off. So again I find myself running to my knees in repentance begging the spirit for his fruits to be made real in my life and then humbly approaching my husband to apologize and ask for forgiveness for being mean and irritable.

Thank you God for your grace and thank you JK for living out the gospel in our marriage.