I got a 4.0 this semester. One of the things I like most about school is that you work really hard all semester and at the end you get an evaluation. If you do good you get a good grade and praise. If you do bad, you should have worked harder. There are parts of the semester that aren't fun, (i.e. tests) but if you work hard, you do well, you make the grade, you get praised. The studying for the test pays off. There are parts of the process you like (i.e. papers- yes I like to write papers!) you enjoy them while you are doing them and then get the added bonus of an evaluation and praise if you do good.
Work is similar. You work hard, meet a deadline, get recongnition. Exercise is also similar. Set a a goal complete the goal you feel accomplishment. So far being a stay at home mom doesn't really do that for me.
There are parts I hate: cleaning the house (especially keeping it in "show" condition), laundry, ironing, cooking, grocery shopping, changing diapers, calming down a fussy baby, dishes etc. but to make matters worse there is no evaluation. No opportunity to earn the grade per say. It's not like after you spend the day doing loads and loads of laundry, folding, ironing, and putting away clothes you can get online and an "A" pops up for folding laundry. I know my family appreciates these medial tasks I do and my husband thanks me and encourages me all the time, but its not the same as receiving an evaluation and feeling proud of the work you have done.
There are things I LOVE about being a stay at home mom: snuggling with my daughter while she eats while making the cutest baby noises in the world, giving her a bath and watching her splash and play and her smell when she is fresh and clean, laying on the floor with her while she plays on her play gym and watching her laugh and squeal at the dumb little bird that hangs above her, carrying on a conversation with her (yes- I talk and she baby babbles back), the smile I get when I go get her in the middle of the night to feed her, the crazy dance parties we have with her stuffed animals in her room, playing dress up, how when she is playing in her bouncy seat every once in awhile she looks for me to make sure I am still there and the smile on her face when she sees I haven't left her, the joy of seeing her learn something new, praying over her and telling her all about Jesus and the gospel even when she has no clue what I am saying.
These things I love about being a mom but even these don't really give me a sense of accomplishment. There isn't an evaluation for how well you lay on the floor and make your baby laugh or for how much dancing you do during a stuffed animal dance party.
Many times at the end of the day I reflect on my day and think what have I done today. That's when the feeling of being lazy and unproductive creeps in. I often find myself feeling defeated thinking I haven't done anything of importance or value. I don't feel any sense of pay off for the hard work of the day. Now, I know all the things listed above are really important in the life of my family (& at times they are exhausting & much harder than working outside the home) but they don't produce the sense of accomplishment that a 4.0, a task completed at the office, or an extra mile on the end of a run do.
Not sure what this says about me. Maybe it reveals my sinful need for the approval and praise of man over God. Maybe it just confirms my identity is still rooted in what I do versus whose I am. Or maybe it is just a lesson in obedience. Obedience doesn't always produce rewards here on earth. Obedience produces rewards in heaven.
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Wow! Alison - Love and miss you. As I read your post I can totally relate to you in so many areas. I was never able to be a stay at home mom and Oh did I miss so many smiles and firsts of my two precious blessings. I did get much accomplished in my VP job along with at-a-boys and money, but I always longed to be with them all day every day. I used to think this was because we always want what we don't have (blonde hair, skinny, money, job, stay-at-home mom, etc.) but I have come to realize that TIME and RELATIONSHIPS with God, spouses, children, friends, the lost and homeless are far more important than anything. As a mother, I used to push my children harder to make better grades in school - NOW, I look at my Sudanese children working hours upon hours doing their studies and they just can't make a "B". My Sudanese know more about the Bible than I or my children will ever know and their FAITH is amazing. Being a global mom, God has shown me so many things about life in America and when we stand before Him - It isn't going to matter! Love you. LaLa
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